Royal Insecurity

10 May

As I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day, I had the following thought…

I wonder what Kate, now Princess Catherine, wanted to change when she looked at herself in the mirror on her wedding day.

The reality is that she had literally endless resources at her disposal.  She could have had her dress designed by anyone. She could have flown in hair dressers and makeup artists. I am sure she had spa treatments regularly in preparation for the world stage of millions of viewers.

Even still, upon looking at her reflection, there was something she saw that a tiara could not overshadow.

We all have something that we would like to change. For many of us, the list may be long…too long.

I have never been a fan of my legs.

I am only 5’4″.  My legs are short. I naturally carry weights in my thighs. Even as I lose weight my thighs (while smaller) are still pretty weighty.

I have many scars, from years of blistery allergic reactions to insect bites.

I generally have at least one bruise on my legs.

But, I have seen such change in my legs over the last 8 months.

As I look down at my legs these days, I see not what they look like, but what they are capable of doing.

My legs function perfectly. How blessed am I?  They’ve never been in a cast.  I have no chronic pain.

They are getting stronger and more muscular each week. Running, strength training, cycling, walking… all things that I enjoy that are made possible by my legs.

I am still not comfortable with the appearance of my legs, but I am getting there.

I do not hate them anymore. I actually do my best to take care of them, knowing that if I misuse or abuse them then they can not be expected to fulfill goals and run races.

This journey is about so much more than physical change. It is internal, as well.  As i learn to appreciate, nurture, strengthen, and use my body’s potential, my opinion of my body continues to change.

There are still days when my thoughts go unchecked and I may criticize and tear myself apart. But those days are much fewer than before.

I am continually learning what it means to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Any and all time I spend criticizing myself is wasted time.

Instead I choose to strive to think on such things –

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8 NLT)

I doubt I will ever see my ideal set of legs in the mirror.  I do not need ideal legs. I will learn to appreciate fully the legs I have and use them as best I can.

On that note…

My legs and I have an appointment with the treadmill… and maybe some lunges (yuck).

Further reading…

Tina from Carrots ‘N’ Cake wrote a great post about her legs a couple weeks ago.

Faith from Gracefulfitness truly inspired me with her post about accepting herself before turning 30.

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